“The Ventrilocrisp’s objection to a ‘healthy’ crisp is simple: crisps are not a health food.”
On the surface, this crisp looks to be what the Ventrilocrisp believes is popularly termed a ‘Karen’. The Ventrilocrisp’s days as a waiter (where it was consistently top salesperson for the Thursday steak deal, despite its charmless demeanour and lifelong vegetarianism) taught it that a customer so quick to declare abstinence from fat, gluten and dairy would behave like Satan. As it happens, the charitable Ventrilocrisp sympathises with such dietary requirements (hello @hvmsclark). Yet a diet should never be a substitute for a personality, as it fears here. Its objection to a ‘healthy’ crisp is simple: crisps are not a health food. They are best when they are cheap and nasty. Besides, vegans like salt and oil as much as the next person. The Lentil Chips beg the question: can a ‘healthy’ crisp ever be a first choice snack in its own right?
By some wicked magic, Eat Real have transformed meek lentils into a robust chips. The thick, bready crisps are puckered and cratered like the surface of the moon. The dill quickly makes itself known, remaining prevalent in every bite. As the Ventrilocrisp has remarked before, this herb works well as a crisp flavouring: characterful yet delicate. Flavour-wise, the crisp is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It remains, as expected, polite, but the seasoning is liberally endowed and generously salted. There is little to distinguish the ‘creaminess’ (similar in taste to a Quaver) from the product of a cow, and it is lavishly applied. If you’ve the saliva to spare, the Ventrilocrisp recommends sucking hard on the crisp to feel the full brunt of its flavour (mark this: the Ventrilocrisp is famously dry of mouth).
The crisp is hamstrung by its dryness. Thick and starchy in the mouth, this alone prevents the crisp from excelling. It remains a fair crisp at best. If the Lentil Chips strive to be more than a poor man’s crisp, they have work to do. Its competitors are not messing around – Pop Chips retain a solid lead in this category. That said, the Ventrilocrisp is no stranger to the Eat Real range, and it deems these to be one of its weakest products. The crisp’s heart is in the right place. If only it would get its head out of its ass.
- Repurchase? only if the Ventrilocrisp had a hankering for dill
- Recommend to a friend? ❎
- Eat this crisp in public? ☑️
- Consider the price to be right? ❎
- Need to wash hands after consumption? ❎