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The Ventrilocrisp

The Ventrilocrisp

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The UK's authoritative crisp assessment site

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Author: ventrilocrisp

The UK's authoritative crisp assessment site

Walkers (originally Smiths) Salt n’ Shake

Cricklewood Broadway. The sky is grey and oppressive. A steady stream of traffic flows between the road’s faded markings; the tarmac is puckered from successive resurfacing.

Cricklewood, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, football, history, snacks, walkers

BBQ Beef Hula Hoops (Original)

“Watch how long that long-necked bird can hold its breath underwater,” said the Ventrilocrisp, pointing. Floating atop the murky lake, the bird plunged suddenly forwards, its grey feathers dipping below the brown water, out of sight.

bird, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, holding breath, hula hoops, KP Snacks, patience

Piper’s Arreton Tomato Crisps

Eight weeks ago, the Ventrilocrisp was playing football. It took a step to the left —nothing unusual—but suddenly, something was … More

Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, football, knee injury, piper's, tomato

Gefen Sea Salt Popped Corn Chips

‘The Ventrilocrisp was faced with an existential decision — one that lies at the heart of its crisp reviews. What … More

cornchips, COVID-19, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, dry, Gefen, pandemic

Off the Eaten Path pea and bean sticks

‘Back in 2019 a recycling presentation at work threw the ethics of the Ventrilocrisp’s practice into question: by and large, … More

christmas, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crispmas, crisps, off the eaten path, pea and bean sticks
Chips à L’Ancienne: Saveur Moutarde

Chips à L’Ancienne: Saveur Moutarde

‘The firey tang of the condiment is forceful, travelling from the tip of the tongue to the throat like a … More

change, condiment, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, france, mustard

Manomasa Manchego and Green Olive Tortillas

‘In describing themselves as ‘king of the tapas table’, the Manomasas are angling for a place at the table. Are … More

Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, dinner table, manomasa, tortillas

Cheetos Cheese Flavour Footballs

‘The Ventrilocrisp had high hopes for the footballs, expecting a specimen, like the beautiful game itself, with mass appeal.’ When … More

anger, Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, football, poison

Jacob’s Mini Cheddars

‘They are neither a crisp nor strictly a cracker, thus they play by their own rules.’ Time and time again, … More

crackers, Crisp assessment, crisp review, lockdown, mini cheddars, nostalgia

Smiths Scampi Flavour Fries

‘Here is an unpretentious crisp that understands the meaning of hard graft.’ Last week, the Ventrilocrisp went camping. Between carting … More

Crisp assessment, crisp review, crisps, fries, langoustine, monkfish, scampi, scandal

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