Eat Real Lentil Chips: Creamy Dill Flavour

“The Ventrilocrisp’s objection to a ‘healthy’ crisp is simple: crisps are not a health food.” On the surface, this crisp…

Nik Naks Nice N’ Spicy

‘The Nice N’ Spicys have a cult following, but the Ventrilocrisp challenges any fan to accurately pinpoint their flavour from…

‘The square shines blindingly bright like the sun, whilst the wheel, tube and ruffle are planets in its orbit, reflecting…

‘As always, the crisp depends on its context.’ Clapham Common on a Saturday afternoon: the only day of the footballing…

‘After several bites, there’s a miniscule hint of spice, like a faint cry for help from a person trapped deep in a well.’

‘On the football pitch, it would play CDM. A selfless player, this crisp tidies up at the back and rarely gets on the scoresheet.’

‘The crisp has pluck, but the Ventrilocrisp can spot a mid-range peanut crisp from 100 paces.’ The Ventrilocrisp is a…

‘Take solace in the Kettles: they are a taste of the good times.’ Day 5 of social distancing. The Ventrilocrisp’s…

‘It evokes a grotesque fascination, in the same way as when having stepped in dog poo, one might seek out…

‘The packet promises tightly-spun, 3-4 coiled spirals: the prom queen’s glossy ringlets. Chance would be a fine thing!’ The Ventrilocrisp…