‘On the football pitch, it would play CDM. A selfless player, this crisp tidies up at the back and rarely gets on the scoresheet.’
Last week the Ventrilocrisp spotted a socially-distant crowd of people taking pictures. Curious, it paused to look. Overnight, the trees had burst into colour: they stood resplendent in brilliant pink blossom, brightening both the street and the Ventrilocrisp’s heart. Quarantine is a test of adaptability: he who embraces the COVID lifestyle most readily reaps the greatest fruit. It is a time of eating the whole animal, of repurposing what we have. The blossom is there every year for us to see, but only now do we take it in. Now is the time to look to the humble, hard-working crisp which is always on the shelves: Sainsbury’s tortilla chips.
At 50p, this is easily one of the best value crisps on the market. Formerly Sainsbury’s Basic, these are now known as JUST SNAX. ‘Just’! Nothing evokes tenderness in the Ventrilocrisp like a self-effacing crisp. ‘Snax’ too is charmingly dated, recalling the old trend of spelling ‘sucks’ as ‘sux’. Oh, darling crisp! More points in the crisp’s favour: its transparency. The clear packet openly flaunts the number of crisps in the bag, their lack of oil; how well they hold their form. What you see is what you get. And this is important in quarantine: nobody wants to risk infection queuing for a duplicitous crisp. O honest, quietly confident crisp: you have stolen the Ventrilocrisp’s heart.
The crisp’s flavour, foreshadowed by the packet, is no surprise. The chips make up for their dryness with plentiful salt, which the Ventrilocrisp gamely laps at like a cat. The corn base deservedly becomes a feature in its own right, forming an earthy, savoury bite. The nacho works well alone but is famously a team player: tasked with carrying dips, cheese and chilli, it does all the heavy lifting. On the football pitch, it would play CDM. A selfless player, this crisp tidies up at the back and rarely gets on the scoresheet. It puts itself on the line (sparing more expensive, delicately flavoured crisps from being squandered on dips) and plays with versatility (not many crisps are welcome at the dinner table). It may not catch the eye in the same way as that spring blossom, but this girl-next-door crisp is equally worthy of our attention.
- Repurchase? ☑️
- recommend to a friend? ☑️
- eat this crisp in public? ☑️
- consider the price to be right? ☑️
- readily accessible? ☑️
- need to wash hands after consumption? ❎
The Ventrilocrisp 